Small beginnings are much important…

Small beginnings are much important…

                In one the deepest night. Ramadan nights has always been in a color of mine. Watching environs and loosing yourself upon a careless cold and tiny wind just before the sun dawn. At that point, you forget the sad moment and memories of last sunrise, moments after you forget and forgive everything as in the name of worry. Whatever, writing and thinking something about life as being an intellectually obsessive one seems to me lots of funny and at the same time sad indeed for what I do not know.  Being resistant to the change exists since 500 years ago, at the time when mankind has an grooving importance about being “ideal” or unchangeable, but nowadays being constant in everything is nothing more but being deficiency and banal. We, intellectually obsessive, might be right as for me. Each day passing a way different from the past ones. Like you do not meet you friends like old times, you do not talk about same thing, you do not care about the subjects one time important for you… Is this saying to be always the same, and always being intellectually obsessive? (P.S. when I mean intellectually, I mean as thought, being constant in the way of thinking, and understanding the life).

                No. This is a personal reaction, I will always reject the new, as they could not be as the old. Me, as born with the ‘y’ generation, I make a big error of getting away and rejecting the new, the very opposite to my counterpart generation, always searching and looking for the new. I do not want from that sentence that you think the author is in obscurantism perspective. Definitely not. What I mean is that we have to miss the past years without the worries of actual time. If you do not miss the last year, or the past time, this probably mean that, that time was not efficient, successful, a time which is not beautiful as life… What a pity, what a shame! It is sure that time take away things from us, the life is also insidious, as an example late afternoons are very well-intentioned but also very sneaky, do not let yourself to be fascinated from its beauty. All late afternoon tell the closeness of sunset, the day will be over soon, but at that instant of time say that “the late afternoon sunlight, warm as oil, sweet as childhood ...”. And sometime we commemorate the old times, like me, a late afternoon always remind me my childhood, “the tired orange sky, just waiting to change the day over night”. When you think in the way I do, you figure out the frustrating fact of time passing so fast, just like a moment, a frozen instant, frame of time, everything we have from the past are the memories. The days were endless, we were crazy, we were young, and the sun was always shining. Now I am in part 3 of life, being a teenager and getting familiar to adult life.

                At this point we are all like being the headliner of our own snuff film. Anyway, as a matter of fact our lives is just the same, a lonely rebellion of mankind standing in front of recurring universe, recurring life to death path. You may say this point of view is pessimistic, or even wrong. My point of view is viewing the life and the things as it self, without ant filter, just as it is. It is hard, it seems dark and desperate. I learned and understand that this way of thinking is a book character. Anayurt Oteli, a character called Zebercet, has been the most pessimistic and melancholic way of thinking so far. The point he impressed me is the way he think. Stucked in the past, intellectually obsessive, buyed a ticket of a retarded train of time, passing through the sow and impeccable sands of time running low for him. In the story line you cannot figure out if it is just a relation of time, or a relation of love between the time itself. The future loving the present which itself will be the present soon. Finally all asking the same question, where the time will end? Why we all living, for which purpose? Why do we ever exist? The same question as Aristo, Nietzsche, Marx, Bergson and more asked already in the past, waiting the future asking the same questions over and over.

                Every answer diverse from one another, as you guessed already. This is as it should be. Because the way of humankind thinking is so creative.  AS it is the soul (Here you may figure out that I do not belong in a materialist way of thinking. But this does not mean I believe everything as a matter of metaphysical way.) For answering the question I will not point out the theories such as evolution or God creation because you have already chose one of them, or maybe anther which is not cited here, as I already chose one of them. One of the biggest humankind question is also why we have to ask and try to find an answer to the question why asked about existence.

                I know you are asking to yourself how the author begun from late afternoon nights and come up to existence. Here we have to figure out that if we do something, it means we are alive, being alive mean you exists, when you exists you will die, so you can understand why all these unseemly similar subject are indeed so related to each other. No I am not a determinist deeply, just finding the relations upon everything as one, the life. It is not harmful to be a determinist, on contrary it is helpful in my point of view. But also at some point determinism destroys all your past in just a second, a while. Not be afraid, people dying in a seconds, sometimes many of them dying at the same frame of time.

                The most beautiful point of determinism is “the only thing that never changes is the change”. But the most terrible part of the past is living and having a beautiful childhood, or even past time. It hurts you knowing that your capacities has lowered, knowing you do not have such a good time, knowing that you had lose definitely those things of the past, that they will never came back. The most deep and losing yourself part is you are nothing but a witness. A pity witness, witnessing the time passing by. The funny and happy days now just hurt us. In contrary a sad day make us happy.

                Time like a black hole absorbing everything, leaving us just the memories. And the life makig us the face thousands of questions with no determined answer. I am sorry but Socrates is right, “all I know is I know nothing”. I think I should finish this article before going too deep, where it will be impossible to figure out what is real, what is not, what will be our references point.

Anayurt Oteli’nin Aylak Adamı/ Anayurt Hotel’s Moony Man